untitled, because i stopped caring.
I think I need to see a psychiatrist.
I get into these weird funky moods that last hours, days, weeks, hardly ever months…but it has happened. It’s not like bi-polar mania. Or depression, I think. Maybe some form of mild depression. But who isn’t slightly depressed sometimes?
It starts with procrastination. I get too lazy to take care of any of my responsibilities. Sometimes I feel like the only thing I take care of is Hazel, because I mean, hello, insert obvious reasons here.
Then procrastination becomes alienation, where I put off most of the people closest to me. This current cycle of whatever you want to call it has me flaking on every single person in my life except one friend. Anytime she calls to hang out, I go through with plans. Which is un-usual.
Alienation becomes heavy feelings of guilt, loneliness, and bitterness. My friends stop calling, trying to include me. My work usually suffers and my hours go down at work. I become envious of happy people, people who work more than I do, my friends who are out having fun and then proceeding to post pictures on networking sites.
Here’s where I need a professional.
I don’t know what the triggers are that start this downward spiral. I can’t recall what usually picks me back up and puts me on the right track again. I don’t like myself when this is happening. I just want to be happy. I would much rather be that person who is always happy every time you see them. To the point it’s annoying. I want to be able to enjoy spending time with my boyfriend and friends again. And if you couldn’t tell, I’m smack in the middle of one of these miserable moods. I can’t shake free.
Filed under: rambles | Leave a Comment
Search
No Responses Yet to “untitled, because i stopped caring.”