untitled, because i stopped caring.

07Sep09

I think I need to see a psychiatrist.

I get into these weird funky moods that last hours, days, weeks, hardly ever months…but it has happened. It’s not like bi-polar mania. Or depression, I think. Maybe some form of mild depression. But who isn’t slightly depressed sometimes?

It starts with procrastination. I get too lazy to take care of any of my responsibilities. Sometimes I feel like the only thing I take care of is Hazel, because I mean, hello, insert obvious reasons here.
Then procrastination becomes alienation, where I put off most of the people closest to me. This current cycle of whatever you want to call it has me flaking on every single person in my life except one friend. Anytime she calls to hang out, I go through with plans. Which is un-usual.
Alienation becomes heavy feelings of guilt, loneliness, and bitterness. My friends stop calling, trying to include me. My work usually suffers and my hours go down at work. I become envious of happy people, people who work more than I do, my friends who are out having fun and then proceeding to post pictures on networking sites.
Here’s where I need a professional.

I don’t know what the triggers are that start this downward spiral. I can’t recall what usually picks me back up and puts me on the right track again. I don’t like myself when this is happening. I just want to be happy. I would much rather be that person who is always happy every time you see them. To the point it’s annoying. I want to be able to enjoy spending time with my boyfriend and friends again. And if you couldn’t tell, I’m smack in the middle of one of these miserable moods. I can’t shake free.

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domino, dynamite

23Aug09

God, I want this book so bad. I’ve wanted it since I heard that Domino magazine was going out of business and I could never spend hours at a time, lying on the floor in the magazine isle of Target, studying the latest issue while the team members walk by and give me odd glances.

Okay, maybe that never happened. But in 5 short weeks I will be on my own, with my daughter, my best friend and her daughter, and my boyfriend living in a cozy 3 bedroom house. I am so excited to go broke decorating. Although, I think that I will just paint the walls and buy new curtains to curb my spending/decorating/attempting to be a creative genius addiction.

I’ve already purchased two of these to hang in the bathroom:

My boyfriend gave me such a weird look when I put them in the cart. But they were on clearance for 3.94 each! And there were 2 left! I had to. So they are sitting in the corner of my room collecting dust until I get to hang them in my new bathroom.

I’ve never been so excited to buy bath mats. And towels. And curtains.

Fuck, I am so weird. Who is this person posessing my once lazy, procrastinating self?

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recent history in pictures

23Aug09

1, 2, 3..she’s got the beat.

Hazel learned how to brush her teeth.

Telling me her deepest secrets.

I found myself the perfect swing-dance partner, Allan.
Gay men really do dance better.

My Aunt Toni got married. And now I have an Uncle Jesse to call my own. HAVE MERCY!

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how to annoy me:

23Aug09

Poke me. All the time. Preferably in the ribs.

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thinking:

18Aug09

chicken salad where have you been all my life?

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thinking:

17Aug09

Why did I have my molar pulled? Now I have a giant hole in my mouth!

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you don’t have to floss your teeth

16Aug09

…just the ones you want to keep. This creative marketing slogan was plastered on every patient room in my child-hood dentist’s office. I used to sit there in the chair, my spit bib attached, waiting what seemed like 14 hours for my dentist with bad teeth to check me for cavities. I’d hold my hand out in the air to block the last part of the “witty” poster. Honestly..who the hell enjoys flossing?

However an unfortunate broken molar sent me back to the dentist’s chair after 5 or so years. (tsk tsk I know.) It’s a new office here in town with state-of-the-art equipment, fancy plasma screen tv, a gamer section for the kids, and a self-check in touch screen kiosk. Even surrounded by all this fancy stuff, I longed for the office with the decor stuck in the 1970′s and the cutesy floss-or-die-esque posters.

Everything in this new patient room was pristine and white. They even had updated gossip magazines. This office was the shit! My attention was quickly pulled to the wall on my left where there was the only picture hanging in the room. I stared at it for a good 10 minutes straight. It has forever been burned into my brain. A picture that has made me the ultimate flosser of teeth in a matter of  6 days.

It looked much like this one:

I was seriously disgusted. And as soon as I got home, I flossed. And again after dinner. And again before bed. Perhaps there is such a thing as TOO much care for your teeth. I have toned it down to two or three times a day. Where as before, it was whenever I remembered (twice a week…maybe.)

I refuse to be a before and after picture of periodontal disease!

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how to charm me:

16Aug09

Actually say “I love you” with passion. (ie; like we’re dating, like you mean it, like you don’t regret saying it in the first place). Instead of the tone you would use with a second cousin you see once every 4 years.

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how to charm me:

12Aug09

Be spontaniously romantic.

ie; Leave a sweet note under my wiper blades late at night while I’m sleeping for me to see in the morning.

Show up at my house with a case of Mountain Dew one day.

Secretly learn how to dance and take me out to show off what you’ve learned, surprising me completely.

Actually surprise me with a gift or token of affection rather than mention it to me hours before you’re going to give it to me.

Sneak kisses from me often…anywhere we are…not caring who is watching.

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why you should envy me:

26Jul09

because i have the cutest daughter ever.

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